Two-Bibles Barack: O's inaugural oath overkill

by: daniel clark | published: 02 01, 2013

Barack said, “Let there be another Bible,” and lo, there was another Bible. But why?

At President Obama’s second inauguration, he took the oath of office with his hand placed on two Bibles, one of which had belonged to Abraham Lincoln, and the other to Martin Luther King. Considering that each of those men was able to get by on only one Bible at a time, this double dose of devoutness on Obama’s part is curious, especially since he’s never been much of a churchgoing man.

That is, unless we’re going to seriously count his 20 years’ attendance at Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s First Marxist Church of Hatred, Bigotry and Treason. If Obama had borrowed those Bibles from Rev. Wright, at least it would have made sense for there to be two of them. One book wouldn’t have been nearly thick enough, what with all the Jewish parts cut out. Moreover, the second book could have been the Progressive Testament, that section of the Bible that has been omitted from all other versions, undoubtedly by rich white people. Once the president was finished swearing on it, he could have opened it up and read us a passage from the Book of Fomentations.

The fact that religious fervor was not an ingredient in Obama’s Good Book sandwich is evident by the lack of controversy over it. If Obama really were a two-Bible kind of a guy, his most loyal supporters would drop him faster than he could say “letmebeclear.” Rather than sucking up to him, the media would be badgering him over his indecisive answer about how old the earth is, just like they’ve done to Sen. Marco Rubio. (Memo to Rubio: The correct answer is, “The earth is so old – ‘How old is it?’ – The earth is so old, it once dated Helen Thomas in high school.”)

Bill Maher, the world’s leading exporter of anti-religious unfunniness, did not give Obama a million dollars so that he could start bitterly clinging to religion. Next thing you know, he would have started to “do skeet shooting all the time,” as gun enthusiasts are known to put it. Had that ever happened, it would have made Maher extremely glum and mopey. Oh – never mind.

Obama often likens himself to great men in American history, which may lead one to conclude that he meant to suggest a deeper connection between himself and the Bibles’ previous owners. One problem with that explanation is that such a symbolic gesture is far too subtle to penetrate the dormant consciousness of those who are inclined to adore him. Furthermore, he has no need for subtlety, given the media bias in his favor. He could have come right out and said, “I am Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King,” and we’d now be reading op-eds scolding conservatives for obstructing all the good work that President Lincoln and Dr. King are doing to combat global warming.

It may be that Obama chose two Bibles because he perceived one of them to be the first chapter of a miniseries, with the start of his presidency being the opening scene of Episode Two. Perhaps he even brought multiple copies so that he could turn the event into a book signing, by claiming the Bible as his own autobiographical prequel. He could rename it The Audacity of Plagiarism.

On the other hand, maybe he was only being defensive about his ability to fulfill his oath. We’ve all heard the saying, “I swear on a stack of Bibles.” Usually, this is said with the understanding that the speaker’s credibility is in doubt. Well, there was our president, literally swearing on a stack of Bibles. Was the one on top supposed to have served as a shock absorber? It’s telling that this act was not unprecedented, to borrow one of Obama’s favorite words. The last president who swore his oath on two Bibles was none other than Richard Nixon.

Mind you, these are only some of the most innocent explanations. Suppose, instead, that Obama has designs on liquidating our representative government, and remaining president for life. If he increases the number of Bibles he uses at each inauguration, then once he’s been sworn in an infinite number of times, he’ll have confiscated them all!

The possibilities are nearly endless, which means we’ll never really know Obama’s true reason for the use of both Bibles. We can be certain, however, that it was not to solemnly swear to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.

-- Daniel Clark is a writer from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He is the author and editor of a web publication called The Shinbone: The Frontier of the Free Press, where he also publishes a seasonal sports digest as The College Football Czar.

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