Obama's Magical Mystery Tour

terrorists will forsake jihad in favor of dialogue

by: nancy morgan | published: 07 20, 2008

After a week of intense media foreplay, Obama has finally embarked on his magical mystery tour. As he boarded the plane that took him on the first leg of his anxiously awaited Middle East and European tour, a pair of uniformed Air Force officers saluted simultaneously, as they do each time President Bush boards Air Force One.

As the media-anointed President in waiting, Obama is virtually guaranteed superstar non-stop media coverage as he makes his taxpayer financed 'fact finding' tour this week. Joining him on this excellent adventure are all three of the major network anchors who will cover his every step, endlessly. The world anxiously awaits.

Obama's visit to Iraq is ostensibly to assess the situation on the ground in order to lend credibility to his already formed opinion of the war in Iraq. In a masterful political move, somewhat akin to inspecting the barn after the horses have already escaped, Barack, with perfect 20/20 hindsight will most likely opine that yes, the surge seemed to have helped matters abit. He will then segueway into his firm, absolutely firm view, which, by the way, he has held for over 4 months, that now is the time to start bringing troops home.

Perky Katy Couric, with the appropriate oohs and aahs, will then proclaim to the world how utterly prescient and, well, presidential Obama is to have suggested the solution to the vexing Iraq problem way before any of the experts did. The only question remaining is how many times perky Katy will flip her hair as she gazes coyly up at Obama through lowered eyelashes.

Having been thus established as an astute visionary and world leader, Obama will leave the battlefield and, safely out of harms way (Thank-God!) will proceed to Europe where a hero's welcome awaits. Foreign newspapers are in a frenzy of Obama adoration, describing our most liberal Senator as "The John Kennedy of our time." In another extremely savvy move, Europe's modern day JFK astutely left Michelle at home, ensuring his sole presence in the spotlight.

Obamamania is sweeping the continent with seventy percent of Italians, 67 percent of Germans, 65 percent of the French and 49 percent of Britons saying they would vote Obama. If only they could vote. Who knows, if Obama gets elected president, maybe someday they will.

The script has been written. Obama is the president of the world, in waiting. If only all Americans realized, like Obama, that priority number one is to get the world to like America again. Europe is yearning to lend America the benefit of their vastly superior expertise in world matters. And Obama is ready and more than willing to point out how America could benefit by adopting a more, well, European world view. After all, aren't we all citizens of the world?

As Obama continues to 'gather facts' and dazzle foreigners with his erudition, charisma and well cut suits, our US media stars will take this rare opportunity to get to know their much admired fellow elites in the foreign media.

Having likely written their news stories before leaving for Iraq, our network anchors will have plenty of time to explore in depth their commonalties with their foreign counterparts. Namely, a deep dislike of America and its system of capitalism and a deep fondness for socialism. America, they will all agree, is the cause of many of the world's woes and let's elect Obama. A good time will be had by all.

All of next week the media will breathlessly, endlessly report on what Obama ate for breakfast, his dynamic repartee with (other?) heads of state, his fondness for French food and, gee, look how the world adores him. Yawn.

Meanwhile, back at home, John McCain will be struggling valiantly to address the issues that affect our country. Stuff like the threat of terrorism, rising gas prices - boring policy talk which, thankfully, won't be reported.

If only the rubes in flyover country, you know, the ones that actually vote, were as sophisticated as the elite media and Obama. Unfortunately, average Americans stopped playing the popularity game once they graduated high-school. Nuance is lost on them, and they have yet to realize that Obama is, as John McCain said, "The One".

Well, things will change this week. The media will make clear that the world wants and needs Obama and the boring details of policy and issues will matter little in the face of such overwhelming approval and mass adoration. From our friends and enemies alike.

It will be made crystal clear that once Obama is president, terrorists will forsake jihad in favor of dialogue, tyrannical thugs will see the error of their ways and world peace will finally have a chance. And best of all - everyone will like us! Then we will all live happily ever after.

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